Rocket Man

So after my horrid dream last night I wandered down to Ashton Lane to the Chip where the Republican Boys told me they'd be drinking. As I passed Jintys I was sure I could hear giggling and thought I caught a glimpse of Matt McGlone peeking out from behind a door but surely they wouldn't tell me they were going to be in one pub and then go to another, would they? I couldn't find them in the Chip but I did encounter the editorial team of Reporting Scotland. They were all there with their napsacks, trendy hats and comfortable looking shoes and were ordering trebles all round for the way they'd handled the issue of the Celtic fans disturbing the minutes silence at Falkirk. They saw me come in and shouted me over, 'Hey, stinky! Useful idiot, get over here!' one of them shouted. He must know the Republican Boys. I crossed the bar to where they were sitting and they asked me to join them. 'Like how we treated the Falkirk scandal?' they asked. I told them I was full of admiration for the way they'd treated it, even getting some guy I occasionally see with the Republican Boys to give a statement which somehow seemed to justify their behaviour. Jackie Bird also did a sterling job as did the reporter who seemed to talk of the Celtic fans as if they were naughty schoolboys. As I told them all this, they slapped me on the back and bought me drinks, one of them even asked me to go to the loo with him for a line. Not wanting to seem ungracious, I went to the toilet with him for this 'line' and next thing I know, he had a hold of my hair and was pressing my face against the wall while he fumbled to release my trousers and before I knew it he was thrusting into me as my fingernails scraped the flaking paint and I shuddered in ecstasy. Then he sneered, spat on me and left me on the wet floor.

The Republican Boys never did show up but I went home to the wife in a jolly mood and went to bed before her, sticking on some Elton John and planning my next assault on Rangers, such was my terrific frame of mind.