Back in the Old Routine

I woke up this morning and was intrigued to find Tom Devine lying between me and the wife. They were both covered in red wine and out for the count and I can't remember them coming to bed, only that the wife was supposedly out with her friends last night. I shook them awake and the wife wailed and ran off and hid in the loo while Devine took his time getting dressed, told me to deal with it and left, slamming the door behind him. Oh well, it wasn't the first time I'd been in bed with a Celtic Minded bigot and it wouldn't be the last.

So, off to the Chip to celebrate with the BBC Scotland Bhoys orPacific Quay CSC as some wags like to call them, after our latest kicking of the Rangers aired on Radio Scotland today. We made it so one sided that even I, Spiers: Champion of Celtic and hater of all things Rangers began to worry that perhaps we'd gone too far. When I got there though, looking for reassurance, there was no-one at the bar.  However, a cursory glance downstairs at the toilet found that they were all powdering their noses and slapping each other on the back at how they'd laid into the 'Establishment' team and it wasn't long before they were celebrating their diversity by singing songs about the murders of Protestant farmers in rural Ireland.

After a few drinks I bleated my worries about the show but they told me not to worry and that there hadn't been anyone within BBC Scotland willing to listen to complaints of anti-Rangers bias since at least 1989, so I relaxed and had a few Guinness, a couple of lines and it wasn't long before I'd been cornered in the loo by Tom Devine who had obviously spent his time since fleeing my bedroom getting sloshed on port as he was sodden in it. He grabbed me by the lapels of my corduroy jacket and thrust my head into the corner of a cubicle and took me violently from behind as I squeaked in semi-protest. Then he sneered, said 'Two in one day - back of the net!', spat on me and left me gibbering on the floor.