The Imaginary Diary of Graham Spiers

Police State Scotland Disclaimer: This diary is a farce, a parody, a satire, a comedy. It in no way consists of, contains or implies a threat or an incitement to carry out a violent act against one or more described individuals and there is no intention to cause fear or alarm to a reasonable person. Although of course as we all know, Celtic fans are not reasonable.

Tuesday 10 May 2011

We are Legion


Lennon sat in the middle of the pentacle and hissed, his tongue darting out like a snake from between his rows of razor sharp teeth, and all the while he looked at us like a lion might regard an antelope and I'll tell you, I didn't feel safe at all even although Jorg Albertz, Demon Hunter's magic pentacles drawn on the floor were supposed to contain Lennon and the demons within that were possessing him.

'I suppose I'd better get on with it then,' said Albertz, suddenly sounding quite chirpy.
So while I sat on the floor beside Lawwell and Gough, Albertz stood and faced Lennon and lit a cigarette, inhaled and blew smoke in Lennon's face.
'Why don't you fuck off back to where you came from? You don't belong here,' spat Albertz, talking to the demons but causing Lawwell to shift uneasily, storing this in his memory, considering if he could get Gerry Duffy to run with it in the Sun the day before a big Rangers match as an example of anti-Irish racism.
'I name you, demons!' shouted Albertz, warming to his task. 'I name you Wormwood and Screwtape, now fuck off back to hell and leave us alone.'
Lennon collapsed writhing to the floor as black tar oozed from his mouth, nose and ears, his eyes bulged and his back arched as if in agony. All he had to do next was to kick over some bottles and anyone would've thought it was match day and Celtic were losing.
'Wormwood and Screwtape! I name you, begone!' shouted Albertz, taking another pull at his cigarette and turning to us and winking. Then Lennon roared and red bile fountained from his mouth, hitting the ceiling and dropping back onto him as he rolled around inside the magic circle, then he was still.
'That's the thing about black magic,' said Albertz, smiling. 'Any cunt can do it.'
'Are we finished? Is he exorcised?' asked Gough.
'Yup. You can have Neil Lennon the man back now Lawwell, although I'm sure many won't notice the difference,' sneered Albertz but behind him Lennon was rising to his knees and was grinning at us, his eyes burning bright red, steam rising from his clothes. Then he bellowed like a deer and cackled, 'Oh Demon Hunter, did you really think there was only Wormwood and Screwtape in here? You didn't consider this mound of meat has been carrying other demons all this time? You didn't for one moment observe his behaviour over the years and consider there were already many of us in here? Oh dear, you're losing your touch Albertz and what makes me giggle is that you don't know any of our names so you won't rid this trash of us as you did so easily with those other two amateur denizens of the slums of hell.'

Now this really scared me but at the same time it explained a lot about Lennon and his behaviour but just as I was wondering if we'd survive this latest development Albertz just sighed and said, 'This'll take a while, lucky I brought a few packets of fags, eh?'

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home