There are no Ghosts in the Morning

It took just over a day; Albertz ran out of cigarettes two hours before it finished and became a bit grumpy towards the end, Lawwell and Gough sat impassively watching proceedings and I squirmed in my corduroys having soiled them three times - twice in fright and once just because I couldn't hold it in any longer. Eventually though the great Jorg Albertz, Demon Hunter had exorcised seventeen demons from Neil Lennon leaving Scottish football and society as a whole a much safer place.


'But why Albertz, why did you help them?' I asked later as Lawwell called for his Stasi who bundled Lennon's exhausted figure into a black van.
'Because Rangers take their social responsibility seriously, Spiers. I thought even you might have noticed by now that there's only one team goes on the offensive in Glasgow and it ain't us. We remain silent in the face of constant Celtic onslaughts because we know that to respond or to act in kind would be not only dragging ourselves down to their level but to allow the lunatics in our support the same carte blanche to act terribly in the same way Celtic's pandering to their own maniacs allows them to justify their own awful behaviour. Consider Paul McBride and his snide attacks and think about a similar QC on the Rangers side who has remained dignified and silent in spite of being hung out to dry for less than Celtic players and ex-managers get away with on a regular basis, indeed Findlay works studiously behind the scenes to keep a lid on this whole thing of ours while McBride spends half his life in the Polo Lounge and the other half attacking Protestants. What about Lawwell? While Martin Bain is constantly not just keeping his powder dry but throwing buckets of water over it, Lawwell practically dances around the gunpowder room smoking cigars and playing with sparklers. The batman? The media and police consider him a criminal when it's really Stuart Cosgrove keeping in place Celtic Minded grotesques such as the Piddler Hugh MacDonald, Chic Young and the Traynor. Kearney? His life's mission it to instigate a new Holy Inquisition in Scotland while our own Master Mason works diligently for charity. And don't get me started on Tom Devine who is wheeled out by BBC Scotland to drunkenly accuse the whole of Scotland of being vicious anti-Catholic bigots while Professor Steve Bruce who is a positive voice of reason is ignored, no vilified for daring to go against the party line and suggest that it's the sectarianism industry that's sprung up in this country and run by people with vested interests and secret agendas that is truly Scotland's Shame. So that's why I exorcised Neil Lennon, Spiers; because we work for the good of all people while Celtic have only their own narrow minded cause to pursue.'
'There must be some other reason though, surely?' I asked, certain that I was missing something.
'Of course,' butted in Gough. 'We need to keep Lennon safe and in a job because with him as manager that lot will never win the league.'

So I left that flat of horror in Hyndland with Gough's words ringing in my ears, vowing to somehow use them against Rangers the next time I was on Twitter - my only way of communicating my messages these days considering no one buys the Times anymore or reads on-line thanks to the paywall. I headed home, pausing only to pour a bucket of water over my stalker Brian McNally who sleeps rough on my doorstep and settled down in bed with my Martin O'Neil scrapbook to knock one off when suddenly I had a thought, an original thought for a change and not one given to me by some swivel-eyed Celtic supporter at the Brazen Head and it got me wondering that Peter Lawwell had something else up his sleeve, that he allowed Albertz and Gough free rein to interfere in Celtic affairs which wasn't like him. Looking back on things now, I wish that original thought had just stayed away because foolishly I pursued it and here I am caught up in the greatest outrage ever perpetrated by Celtic against Scottish football. But yet again I'm getting ahead of myself.