Verisimilitude

He was wearing combat fatigues and an army helmet when I first met Alex Thomson but then there was nothing odd about that in Bennets on a Saturday night; over there is a butch fairy, there a fireman and standing beside me stroking my cheek was the ex-leader of Glasgow City Council dressed as a Celtic supporter.


He approached me out of the blue and pulled his press ID from the webbing on his chest. ‘Alex Thomson, roving reporter for Channel 4 News,’ was how he introduced himself, his ID held high, a badge of honour. Purcell looked him up and down and purred before leaving to go to the loo for a quick update.

‘Pleased to meet you but why would Channel 4 News follow me in here? I’m here on investigative duty only, I’m not gay, I promise,’ I stuttered but he waved away my entreaties and told me that he had no interest in my private life, ‘No, what matters is that you have the inside dope on Rangers and aren’t afraid to lay into them,’ he said.
‘Who is?’ I asked smugly. ‘With Rangers in administration all the slugs are crawling out from under the leaves to put the boot in with impunity. They wouldn’t have done this if Souness wasn’t in Lawwell’s dungeon, I’ll tell you that.’
‘What’s that about Lawwell’s dungeon? You mean Peter Lawwell, the CEO of Celtic? He has a dungeon?’
‘No! I’ve already said too much,’ and I excused myself and fled my favourite nightclub and ran round the corner to the Polo Lounge.