The Imaginary Diary of Graham Spiers

Police State Scotland Disclaimer: This diary is a farce, a parody, a satire, a comedy. It in no way consists of, contains or implies a threat or an incitement to carry out a violent act against one or more described individuals and there is no intention to cause fear or alarm to a reasonable person. Although of course as we all know, Celtic fans are not reasonable.

Tuesday 1 December 2009

Secret Diary, Tuesday 1st December Part 3

It was a long few hours under that table but eventually I judged it safe to come out and have a sneak around to see what I could find. The section of the City Chambers I was in was mainly in darkness, the corridors lit only by fire exit signs and the occasional sky-light. Eventually I heard some commotion coming from an office to my right so I silently crept up to the door and peeked in. There were the republican bhoys, dressed in Celtic tops with suicide packs strapped to their chests, making a great fuss over putting on what they thought was ethnic Palestinian clothing - they looked like Ali Baba meets Lawrence of Arabia in Heraghtys bar after too much Guinness but stupid or not, I didn't like the look of those suicide packs.
Beside them were the boys from the STUC and the only difference between the two was that the STUC lot were much older and looked as if they should know better although if someone had told me I'd just stumbled into an anarchists convention, I'd have believed them - all that was missing was the big round shiny bomb with a fizzing fuse - what with all those bristling moustaches.
As I took a step backwards away from the door I foolishly brushed against it and it creaked. Everyone in the room looked up but they froze, not coming to the door right away which gave me a chance to be down the corridor and round the corner before they could see me. I nipped into a room with no lights on and stood there puffing, trying to get my breath back and pulling out my torch to appraise the situation. I switched it on and horror! There was the Traynor, right in front of me in that room! He looked up startled at first by the light and saw it was me and pounced before I'd a chance to even scream but he jerked back in mid-air and I noticed that he was wearing a metal collar and was chained to the wall. I breathed a sigh of relief and was creeping towards the door when I heard him say 'Help me.'
'Eh?' was all I could say.
'Help me Spiers, those b*stards have had me chained up in here since I escaped from Station X only to run slap bang into the republican bhoys as they watched events from a nearby hill.'
'Well you must admit it wouldn't be the most intelligent thing for me to do considering you've been trying to kill me for the past few years, eh Traynor?' I gloated since after all, he was chained to a wall.
'Set me free and I promise never to attack you again and I'll throw something else in, I'll take you to where the republican bhoys and the STUC are going to attack the Hapoel Tel Aviv party during a civic reception. Those boys aren't so smart, they were prancing about outside this room for ages arguing over suicide vests and talking too loudly about their plans. Come on Spiers, have a heart.'
I considered this, looking at his pathetic face all the while before deciding I could trust him. I took out my breaking and entering kit (ironically given to me by the republican bhoys), unlocked his chains and stood back. The Traynor stood up on his hindlegs and rubbed his neck where the collar had been. He looked at me, his eyes flashing with menace and then he said 'Come on, this way' and bounded out of the room with me following.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home