Secret Diary, Tuesday 15th December
At last the fog has cleared and sunshine is back to the trendy west end! I celebrated the success of my latest assault on the Rangers yesterday (after my blip on Sunday but that's all been taken care of now) by going for a jaunt down Byres Road to pop into all the old watering holes I've been unable to frequent of late due to the suspicions that I was working for the other side. Yesterday's piece in the Times (circulation: four priests and a pimp) should have done enough to dispel any doubts about whose side I'm on so 'Ashton Lane here I come', I sang as I strode down the road, corduroys squeaking at my knees.
Jintys has been quiet since the republican bhoys were rounded up a few weeks back but there's a new crowd in town, the republican ghirls! Not as much to my liking but it's good to be around girls dressed in green nonetheless. Funnily enough, I found them to be even more bitter than their missing boyfriends! We had a few drinks to toast beating Motherwell on Saturday - a win for Celtic is always one in the eye for the Man - and then drank a few more to Dundee Utd who we hope will take points off the Great Beast tonight.
Refreshed, I sauntered into the UB Chip and had a few lines with the lads from Reporting Scotland who were celebrating hushing up the STUC report on sectarianism scandal. They figured it was the least they could do in tribute to Devine, Finn and the blessed Fatima Uglyboot since they too went missing almost a month ago. I was just coming back out of the loo having had a quick one up the nose and another quick one up the ronson from Dougie Vipond when the team from Scotland Today came in. They noticed the Reporting Scotland mob sitting at the end of the bar and stopped in their tracks, eyed them up and cautiously made their way to the other side and ordered some drinks. After an hour of celebrating much the same results as the BBC boys, the STV gang became boisterous and started shouting loudly that they were much better Celtic men than 'that lot from the quay' and threw peanuts across the bar. Next thing, Brian Currie had John MacKay in a headlock and it all kicked off. Women screamed and the barmen shouted for order as the two news teams fought over who were the biggest tims until suddenly someone shouted that Raman Bhardwaj was a 'hun' and everyone turned on him, pummelling him as he shrieked that he 'supports Partick Thistle, honest!' It wasn't long before the police arrived and broke it up, making one arrest - Raman Bhardwaj 'for being an orange bastard' and then both sides, buoyed by their working in tandem to out a bluenose, ordered trebles all round and celebrated their diversity by singing about the 'old country' in spite of the fact that none of them are from there.
Jintys has been quiet since the republican bhoys were rounded up a few weeks back but there's a new crowd in town, the republican ghirls! Not as much to my liking but it's good to be around girls dressed in green nonetheless. Funnily enough, I found them to be even more bitter than their missing boyfriends! We had a few drinks to toast beating Motherwell on Saturday - a win for Celtic is always one in the eye for the Man - and then drank a few more to Dundee Utd who we hope will take points off the Great Beast tonight.
Refreshed, I sauntered into the UB Chip and had a few lines with the lads from Reporting Scotland who were celebrating hushing up the STUC report on sectarianism scandal. They figured it was the least they could do in tribute to Devine, Finn and the blessed Fatima Uglyboot since they too went missing almost a month ago. I was just coming back out of the loo having had a quick one up the nose and another quick one up the ronson from Dougie Vipond when the team from Scotland Today came in. They noticed the Reporting Scotland mob sitting at the end of the bar and stopped in their tracks, eyed them up and cautiously made their way to the other side and ordered some drinks. After an hour of celebrating much the same results as the BBC boys, the STV gang became boisterous and started shouting loudly that they were much better Celtic men than 'that lot from the quay' and threw peanuts across the bar. Next thing, Brian Currie had John MacKay in a headlock and it all kicked off. Women screamed and the barmen shouted for order as the two news teams fought over who were the biggest tims until suddenly someone shouted that Raman Bhardwaj was a 'hun' and everyone turned on him, pummelling him as he shrieked that he 'supports Partick Thistle, honest!' It wasn't long before the police arrived and broke it up, making one arrest - Raman Bhardwaj 'for being an orange bastard' and then both sides, buoyed by their working in tandem to out a bluenose, ordered trebles all round and celebrated their diversity by singing about the 'old country' in spite of the fact that none of them are from there.
posted by The Secret Diary of Graham Spiers | 02:15
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home