The Imaginary Diary of Graham Spiers

Police State Scotland Disclaimer: This diary is a farce, a parody, a satire, a comedy. It in no way consists of, contains or implies a threat or an incitement to carry out a violent act against one or more described individuals and there is no intention to cause fear or alarm to a reasonable person. Although of course as we all know, Celtic fans are not reasonable.

Wednesday 27 October 2010

Odyssey Part Eight

I kept a keen eye on the horizon with my telescope and watched as Lawwell's frigates disappeared in and out of sight amongst the swirling maelstrom of rain and clouds and waves. My luck was holding as the plan would never work if Gough twigged it was a trap too soon so while the weather remained as wild as this, I was in with a chance. Then suddenly a dinghy fired up from the side of the Walter Smith, I looked over and it was Stuart McCall and he was taking off ahead of us and aiming straight for the frigates that Gough still couldn't quite see.
'If I'm wrong then I'll see you shortly, if I'm right then I'll be back for you Spiers,' he shouted and sped off into the storm. I knew immediately what he was doing; he was suspicious of me all along, poor bluff Stuart McCall with his silent ways and now he was sailing into the heart of an ambush knowing fine well that if he was right then he was going to take the brunt of the attack on his own. Gough had only just spotted him as he disappeared into the clouds ahead then there was silence for a few moments and then the flashes of dozens of heavy guns and the rumble of their noise came rolling over us and Gough immediately knew what had happened. He started shouting orders and the Walter Smith swung round just in time to head up the Clyde towards Glasgow, avoiding the ambush thanks to the courage and sacrifice of McCall. I could have wept, in fact I think I did, imagining what was going to happen to me once Ferguson and Goram got a hold of me but then from above, earlier than planned but just as welcome, came a harness dangling from a Sea King helicopter which was being tossed around in the wind above us. I jumped into the harness and was lifted off my feet and into the air just in time to avoid Goram's lunge at me with a cutlass.

I was bundled into the helicopter and pulled to safety as someone slammed the door behind me and there in front of me, grinning, was Jack McConnell.
'Welcome back Spiers,' he shouted above the din. 'We have lots of work ahead for you my boy, Labour will be back in power in Scotland before long which means the Sectarian Wars are back on and you can finish what you started. This little phoney war going on just now? Just a skirmish compared to what we've got in store for those Orange bastards.'
And he laughed. And I laughed with him, I was back. Graham Spiers, scourge of Rangers was back!

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