The Self Preservation Society

If I hadn’t been caught in a west end gay bar with Camp Freddie Ljungberg by Graham Grant, the Daily Mail’s Celtic Minded homophobe and so called political editor who told Jason Allardyce who of course is Bishop Devine’s cock puppet and once stepped out with my wife in a hissy fit over my snubbing him one night in the Polo Lounge. So Allardyce whispered of my indiscretion to Devine who informed Lawwell and he filed it away in his blackmail folder for future use. Well if it hadn’t been for all of that, I wouldn’t have been hounded by the Lawwell’s Stasi and eventually cornered on Great Western Road after being dropped off by Andrew Smith at the end of a fabulous evening of burning crosses on the lawn outside El Hadje Diouf’s new house in Bothwell. You should have seen us, it was most exciting with Craig Burley or the Clansman as he now likes to be known, in his pointed bedsheet hood, whipping the Scottish footballing press into a frenzy as everyone donned the robes and hurled rocks through Diouf’s windows. Then the police arrived, mob handed and ready to make some arrests but upon discovering that it was only a Rangers player we were attacking, sent us off with wink, telling us not to do it again and one of them, a Chief Inspector even telling someone that he’d see him down the Knights on Saturday.
After all that, Andrew Smith offered me a lift and after stopping briefly at the side of the M8 to defile me, let me out on Great Western Road, I was then spotted by the Stasi and just as I was about to be bound, gagged and taken to Lawwell, Souness roared up in his blue mini and that’s how I ended up being driven to Murray Park in the middle of the biggest storm to hit Glasgow since, well, since Diouf arrived.