Xenomorphosis: Prologue

The creature locked in the back of his armoured truck, Souness blazed a trail ahead of us, cutting corners so fine that he seemed like he’d go up on two wheels and roll over. I was driving the Mini Cooper soft top, trying desperately not to lose sight of Souness while avoiding Lawwell’s goons as they attempted to ram me off the road in their Range Rovers. It all seemed hopeless until my passenger reached into the back of the Mini, grabbed a grenade launcher and used the butt to knock the soft roof off the top of our car; then she ripped off her blouse and stood up in her bra and in the moments it took for the Celtic thugs to ogle her bouncers, she blew the wheels off the front of the first car, knocked the engine out the second and completely obliterated the last with the best shot of the lot before sitting back down in the passenger seat, laughing and shouting at me, ‘How about that then, eh Spiers? It’s great to be a woman!’

Well I wasn’t enjoying it as much as Catriona Shearer seemed to be but I’m getting ahead of myself.