The Exploits of Brigadier Bill

And so it was that I accompanied Brigadier Bill Leckie as he boozed and caroused around Glasgow and every day began the same way, with a trip to some park to line up against Celtic fans with a grievance and what other type is there as Leckie used to say? He'd dispense with them in good order and usually defend himself against a few more random attacks over the remains of the day and so it was on the way to Byres Road where I planned to show him the delights of the trendy west end. I didn't think it through though. I took him to the Chip and as the door closed behind us, you'd think someone had turned the volume off the entire pub as the Pacific Quay CFC and the Scotland Today Active Column all turned and glared at us. Before you could say swords at the ready they were all attacking him but Leckie produced a virtuoso display and jumping from table to bar and swinging from chandeliers, he ultimately triumphed with various Celtic Minded media types fetching up inside barrels, thrown through windows and hanging from coat hooks but the noise alerted the denizens of Jintys across the cobbles and they are a rougher lot than the Ashton Lane pussies who drink in the Chip so when they came gallumphing up the stairs Leckie turned to me and said, 'time to cut and run Spiers, to the roof!'.
And there on the terraced roof of the Chip, astonishingly, was a basket blowing flames into a great hot air balloon which swayed in the wind as we clambered into the basket and just as the Jinty McGintys Republican Bhoys appeared on the roof, letting up a great halloo at the sight of us, Leckie leaned over, cut the grounding rope with his sword and we were gone.